I want to be able to describe how it is feels to, literally, have no one who loves me.
I used to have two people that loved me, besides my children. They were my grandmother and my mommy.
Mimi and Mommy are both dead.
I have no one.
NO. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR MEN TO HIT ON ME RIGHT NOW.
In fact, that’s one of the reasons I am in the predicament I am in, as I write. I have always been a beautiful girl. My grandmother used to always tell me how beautiful I was.
Mimi’s room was in the back of our house growing up, because she lived with us. She moved in with my dad, my stepmother, me and my little sister when I was in the third grade.
I can remember being in my Mimi’s room talking to her and letting her tickle my back…I always made her tickle my back and she would always do it…haha…After an hour of tickling, Mimi would say, “Sarah, my arm is really hurting”, and I would say, “NOOOOOOOOO!!!! DON’T STOP!!! Just use your other arm”. Mimi would then use her other arm and tickle my back for another hour.
Since Mimi’s room was added on many years after the original construction of my parents’ A-frame, old-ass house, her room was in the back, next to the kitchen and the laundry room. Mimi always kept her door open and I guess while my stepmother was in the kitchen “cooking dinner” (hamburger patties and white rice, and pinto beans every fucking night), she could hear me and my Mimi talking.
Every time she heard Mimi tell me I was beautiful, my stepmother would be sure to stop me on my way out of Mimi’s room and say to me, “Sarah, you are NOT beautiful. You are a cute girl, but you are NOT BEAUTIFUL”.
And to all those who think I am full of myself, let me say this: I have never been able to say I AM BEAUTIFUL…until a year ago…so FUCK OFF.