Month: August 2014

Mia Angelle

My oldest daughter and I will fight like ARMAFUCKINGGEDDON, and not speak for months…but she’s ME MADE OVER…God, I love that bitch.  I named her “MY ANGEL” BECAUSE SHE IS AND I ALWAYS KNEW SHE WOULD BE.

TELL ME THAT’S NOT A BAD ASS BITCH.

 Miacanon 089

Wonder

I always wonder if my mom is proud of me….wherever she is.

I wonder if she knows that God gave me a repeat of her life….and her looks.

I wonder if she knows that I know her pain…the pain she felt when she was on this earth.

I know it well….too well.

I wonder if she knows that I am telling my dad everything he never gave her a chance to say.

I wonder if she knows how much I love her and how sorry I am that I wouldn’t love her when she was alive….but they wouldn’t let me.

 

No Delete

So, I adhere to a strict self-imposed “no-delete” policy.

I figure if I write something and post it, I must have needed to get it out, whether I am drunk or not. I do not lie*.

However, the tendency for me to write about especially audacious subject matter is much more prevalent when I am inebriated.

Then, when I am a bit more stricken with inhibitions, the conversation in my head goes something like:

“Fuck”

“You need to go delete that”

“FUCK NO, FUCK YOU, FUCK THEM, FUCK IT, I DON’T CARE”

And on and on…on a tangent like that until my dark side convinces the light that it’s time to stop hiding.

 

*When I say I don’t lie, I mean that I really do not tell any lies that I consciously know are lies, untruths, half-truths, or omissions. This is not to say that I am still not lying to you, or to myself in some way that I haven’t yet figured out….the process of the cessation of lying is just that- a process…a really fucking long one.

Remain Nameless

If there’s one thing in this world that I must do….

IT WILL BE TO PROVE YOU WRONG

MAKE YOU TAKE BACK THE LIES 

AND BRING THE TRUTH TO THE SURFACE

CLEAN MY SLATE AND ERASE

ALL THE BLACK YOU’VE TRIED TO TARNISH MY NAME WITH

THIS IS CONVICTION

WHAT I HAVE INSIDE YOU WILL NEVER POSSESS

AND BECAUSE YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW I LIVED 

you try to disrespect…

well….

I’VE PAID MY FUCKING DUES

AND EVERYTHING I HAVE IN THIS LIFE

I’VE MADE FROM NOTHING

I’VE DONE THIS ALL ON MY OWN

THAT’S MORE THAN YOU CAN SAY FOR YOURSELF

you disrespect the way I live

you take apart what I say

you try and judge me

NOW I’M JUDGING YOU