My oldest daughter and I will fight like ARMAFUCKINGGEDDON, and not speak for months…but she’s ME MADE OVER…God, I love that bitch. I named her “MY ANGEL” BECAUSE SHE IS AND I ALWAYS KNEW SHE WOULD BE.
TELL ME THAT’S NOT A BAD ASS BITCH.
I always wonder if my mom is proud of me….wherever she is.
I wonder if she knows that God gave me a repeat of her life….and her looks.
I wonder if she knows that I know her pain…the pain she felt when she was on this earth.
I know it well….too well.
I wonder if she knows that I am telling my dad everything he never gave her a chance to say.
I wonder if she knows how much I love her and how sorry I am that I wouldn’t love her when she was alive….but they wouldn’t let me.
I’m on it, until Jesus saves me (again) or my liver gives out, whichever comes first.
So, I adhere to a strict self-imposed “no-delete” policy.
I figure if I write something and post it, I must have needed to get it out, whether I am drunk or not. I do not lie*.
However, the tendency for me to write about especially audacious subject matter is much more prevalent when I am inebriated.
Then, when I am a bit more stricken with inhibitions, the conversation in my head goes something like:
“You need to go delete that”
“FUCK NO, FUCK YOU, FUCK THEM, FUCK IT, I DON’T CARE”
And on and on…on a tangent like that until my dark side convinces the light that it’s time to stop hiding.
*When I say I don’t lie, I mean that I really do not tell any lies that I consciously know are lies, untruths, half-truths, or omissions. This is not to say that I am still not lying to you, or to myself in some way that I haven’t yet figured out….the process of the cessation of lying is just that- a process…a really fucking long one.
SURE FUCKING DON’T.
Ok, you punk motherfuckers want to flag my YouTube channel again?
Which one of you did it this time?
keep on fucking with me.
IT ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER
If there’s one thing in this world that I must do….
IT WILL BE TO PROVE YOU WRONG
MAKE YOU TAKE BACK THE LIES
AND BRING THE TRUTH TO THE SURFACE
CLEAN MY SLATE AND ERASE
ALL THE BLACK YOU’VE TRIED TO TARNISH MY NAME WITH
THIS IS CONVICTION
WHAT I HAVE INSIDE YOU WILL NEVER POSSESS
AND BECAUSE YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW I LIVED
you try to disrespect…
I’VE PAID MY FUCKING DUES
AND EVERYTHING I HAVE IN THIS LIFE
I’VE MADE FROM NOTHING
I’VE DONE THIS ALL ON MY OWN
THAT’S MORE THAN YOU CAN SAY FOR YOURSELF
you disrespect the way I live
you take apart what I say
you try and judge me
NOW I’M JUDGING YOU
“Feet don’t fail me now…take me to the finish line…oh my heart it breaks, it breaks every step that I take, but I’m hoping at the gates they’ll tell me that you’re mine.” -Lana Del Rey
Your day is coming. Do whatever you want to me….it doesn’t matter…..your day is coming….sooner than you think.
SUCK MY DICK.