Month: October 2014

Dickie Gimp Panther and Other Ramblings


My kitten, Dickie Gimp Panther, is so cute on his three legs.  My former neighbors tried to kill him but were unsuccessful. They only succeeded in making him a gimp.  The car was fast, but not fast enough.  He was clipped and a bone or three were fractured or broken, he disappeared for a couple of days when it happened, I thought he was dead, but he came back in full gimp.

Dickie Gimp Panther doesn’t whine or complain that he lost the use of one of his back legs.  He has taught himself to move about on the other three.  He’s a champ, he was born to be in my family.

DGP is black.  My other cat, Anakin, is white.  I believe Anakin was a serial killer with a penchant for rape, in his former life. He is beautiful, but one of the most unfriendly creatures you would ever want to meet.  He hates being touched or petted and if you look him in his eyes for too long, in the middle of the night, he will attack.

Anakin never wants to stay inside, unless it’s really hot or really cold outside.  When he goes outside, we have no idea where he goes.  He always comes home, though, and usually with presents. Many times I have heard the screams and cries of all manner of small woodland creatures, like birds, frogs, squirrels and even a baby bunny, at my doorstep.  Anakin brings them home to torture mercilessly, before finally killing them.  He enjoys sadistic brutality.

I have never been able to save any of the creatures from Anakin’s cruelty,  except for the bunny, who was so cute. I ended up killing the bunny, myself, accidentally.  I choked him with baby formula.

He died in my hands.

I still feel guilty about that.  I don’t know why because, evidently, the bunny was fated to meet it’s maker.

Anakin didn’t speak to me for days after I wrestled the bunny away from him, and he never brought another animal home to torture after I took his bunny.

He just brings them home dead.


NO, Stay.

I’m waiting for the shoe to drop

I’m waiting for my balloon to pop

I’m waiting to fall off my feet

when the rug gets pulled from underneath

I’m waiting for that sad ass day

the one in which he will say

I can’t do this anymore

I’m gonna go the other way

and as much as I want to scream, “NO!  STAY!”

I know I won’t

Cause I knew it was coming, anyway.

whatthefuckever retard

For starters, I really do not like AT ALL when someone knowingly instigates a fight with me and then blames my mental issues for the fucking fight.


And….for seconds, just because I say “I’m drunk” DOES NOT MEAN I AM FUCKING RETARDED.

I am drunk 7 days of the week so because I proclaim it out loud on Friday night, because in America it’s politcally and socially acceptable for a person over the age of 21 to be drunk on a Friday, does not exempt me from AWARENESS, ASSHOLE.




The Phoenix


I absolutely love the Phoenix.  I have so many Phoenix pictures on my computer’s hard drive, it is ridiculous.  I have noticed during the course of my blogging, that many others who suffer from BPD, also love the imagery and ultimate meaning of the Phoenix.

I suppose we, as borderlines, have all had our beginnings IN ASHES.  Our adulthood ruined by the burning fires of our childhood.  I believe we do know the greatness that lies within our souls, but since we are unable to trust anyone (with good reason) the greatness within seems to get buried underneath the bullshit.

The Phoenix gives me hope.

I trust the Phoenix.


Thank You For Evicting Me….NO SERIOUSLY….THANK YOU!!!!!!!

I have been so durn happy lately, that I have had no bad feelings to write out of me.  All of the feelings I have had in the last week, I want to keep.

I was evicted from my last place, and ended up having to move in about three days, with no place to move.  I had to put everything I own in storage and wonder what was going to happen.

The eviction turned out to be the biggest blessing I never thought would happen.

My boyfriend found us a really nice house, that had just been completely gutted and remodeled.  Everything in here is new.  The appliances are new, the walls are new, the ceramic tile throughout the house is new. The toilet is new, the shower is new.

Everything is FRESH.

All of the leftover energy from others was cleaned away in the gutting.

I am in a good place.

I am so fucking happy.

Thank you, landlord, for evicting me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Private Calls

Don’t do them.  I will hardly answer for numbers I do know,  so if you think I’m going to answer a call from a private number,  especially one after midnight….I think YOU may be suffering from mania and grandiose thoughts. 

Go to sleep. It’s late.

23…… thousand

I am humbled AND COMPLETELY FUCKING….um….I don’t even know what to call it. … almost 23,000 views in THE LAST SEVEN DAYS.

My life has been nothing but a heavy ass uphill struggle…. But there are little bright spots along the way….and I keep marching….and I ignore the haters,  bless their jealous hearts…