Month: November 2014


Muscles are so weak

I smoke two more cigarettes

I am fucking scared


The Hole

I took a wrong turn and I fell in a hole

I know the hole well, it encloses my soul

Every time I think I have made my way out

I fall right back in and land with a pout

“I’m sick of you, hole, why can’t you leave me alone?

You were there as a child and you’re here while I’m grown!

Stay away from me!  I don’t need you at all,

unless you bring jagged rocks to catch my next fall!”

can anyone tell Dr. Seuss is one of my favorite authors?

writing in airplanes

so you want to be a writer?
Charles Bukowski, 1920 – 1994

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
then wait patiently.
if it…

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I Just Swim


I don’t know how I feel today, so I guess I am numb.  I started a new anti-depressant yesterday and those tend to make me glum.  They set me on a course of apathy and I honestly think they’re bad for me, but I really need to sleep so badly and the new doctor refused me xanax and I left his office madly.  My head feels like it’s gone for a swim, no sunshine today, outside is dim and I don’t know if it really is or if it’s the haze these pills have me sitting in.  I need to go inside and straighten up, but instead I put vodka in my cup and I’m drinking it with coffee.  I’ve been silent with my boyfriend for the past three days, relationships to me are a goddamn maze, they have me on a rollercoaster; my heart is all ablaze.  What sets me off and reeling is when I tell about my feelings, they always prove me right but instead he wants to fight and I’ve lost a lot of might so that I bark but I don’t bite. Now I just lay down and roll, they use my heart to take a stroll never admitting to even one wrong and this is now my song since no matter what I say there will never be a day that my feelings are counted valid, I feel tossed around like salad and I know my sense is true, and I have proof I’m being lied to but there’s nothing I can do so I just swim.

On the Line

The Fickle Heartbeat


Shared by tellmesomethingbeautiful.

empty hallways cast blurred images over the pieces of my heart left shattered by

weekends and holidays spent lying in someone’s arms

only a few shadows left in the dust of eyelashes, the slow blink and disappearance of

dancing, of promises and foggy Sunday mornings

i reach for the line when i need


-anything to burn through it all

Your sleepy voice and the presence of your warm heart

fill the empty spaces as we share stories, the things we love and the things that make us afraid

I ask you why you always pick up when I call

and the memories stream out of my heart

and the shadows turn from grey to gold

when I hear you say

“Because I like hearing you laughing with me on the other end.”

Do you love to write? If you have a story, article…

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