Getting Old Ain’t Easy To Do

I used to be hot.

I used to be goddamned fucking hot.

Even at the height of a fucking crack addiction, I was hot.

Now I am getting old and I am not as hot as I used to be and it sucks.

I do not believe this is a hot topic of a middle-aged woman’s blog but then I don’t generally search, “I+used+to+be+hot+but+now+I+am+old+what+do+I+do+now”

I don’t google that shit because I don’t want to read the conversation because I am scared.

SKEERED.

Lol (Lol being a term completely invented by the generation under the generation, under the generation, under the MOTHFUCKING GENERATION, under mine.

All them bitches can suck a dick and die.

Except my daughters.

Speaking of my daughters, I have three of them and the oldest one is 18 and absolutely, unequivocally A BILLION TIMES HOTTER THAN I EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BEING, AND I AM A HOT MOTHERFUCKER.

It’s fucking bullshit, man, and that bitch can just suck a dick and die, too.

NOPE JUST JOSHING…

but seriously…

how in the holy fuck do I deal with this?

Let’s be real….I have basically SURVIVED MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE ON MY LOOKS, BODY AND AWESOME ASS KNOCKING MF’S DOWN, TIGHT ASS VAGINA..

I can do tricks with that bad motherfucker.

I can queef on command with it,  and I can smoke a cigarette with it, and I can make a water fountain with it, I can……

OH MY FUCKING GOD…this is my life, my boyfriend just literally tried to crawl back in the bedroom window… the same one he crawled out of, earlier tonight.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Welcome to my mothafucking world, BITCHES!

Yes, I am crazy, but I have very fucking good reason to be.

Fuck y’all.

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7 comments

  1. I think you just wrote about what my life’s going to be like in a couple of years. I dread growing older, having to be responsable and not understanding what youngsters are talking about!
    I can see myself trying to be one of those “cool moms” and it already makes me cringe!

    1. take it from a “cool mom”…cherish the fuck out of “cool mom” status, but never take it too far, like sleeping with your kids school mate…that never goes over well and you’ll forever have that label. Sure, they can last a lot longer but they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing AT ALL.

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