Month: April 2015

bite mite fight night height

I hate me tonight

I’m glad there’s no light

my face is a fright

and it’s always a fight

talking myself down from a scary ass height

what is my plight?

wearing jeans that are tight

at least I ain’t skinny cause that’s a bad sight

so thin I look like a string on a kite

I think I just might

call it a night

or maybe I’ll fuck my neighbor named Dwight….Schroot…

fuck yeah….

good night.

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Red Rover

Just my normal fucking chaos, that’s all it really is…Like a Nathan’s fucking hot dog with some mustard and some jizz.  I got a mean ass voice all in my fucking head…telling me go fuck myself, you really should be dead….I’m in the ring and fighting that bitch sounding so much like myself and I’m sick of hearing her voice that bitch is fucking with my health…If only she could do something productive with herself….i HATE THAT BITCH; I FUCKING HATE HER TAKE HER OUT OF ME…I swear to Christ she needs to go cause I can hardly fucking breathe.  I’m almost fucking 40 and there’s been no damn reprieve; this demon spawn has stole my soul just like a fucking thief.

I know God fucking hears me and he’s been listening my whole life…watching and he’s laughing as I struggle being (wife)…a mother, a sister and a fucking goddamn daughter…I don’t know why I claim those titles, is blood really thicker than water? Motherfucker coined that phrase surely didn’t have my father.

The first time I tried suicide I swear I just made one….barely learned how to walk and I ain’t even need a gun.  A swimming pool, deep-end side,  did not hesitate, just happened that my mommy wasn’t loaded like a crate.  She loved to tell the story how I missed my early fate cause she jumped right in behind my ass when she saw I had escaped.

…I just really want this over….GOD PLEASE SCREAM ME RED ROVER.

Patiently Waiting

I’m your female, middle-aged freestyler, junk piler

Got ass sometimes and I’m wilder than anyone you’ve ever known

or ever will

my love is so strong you should put it in a pill

and sell it on the street

dancing to the beat

sell it to every person that you meet

My essence is fire and it is my desire

to teach you to choose only a higher way of being

but it’s seeming like no one hearing words that I’m screaming…

Words that I’m saying while these silly games

keep on playin

no one tells the truth and if you think they do

I can show you proof that it all was a lie

and I don’t know why

so I look up to the sky

and I wish I was with the stars

not with any cars

not with busy street heat underneath my feet

I’m hating it but dating it

since I took my first breath

Now I’m patiently waiting to be found by death.

TBH….

71W7id66qCL._SX522_To be honest….I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE TINY BATS FLYING AROUND THE INSIDE OF ME LOOKING FOR AN ESCAPE BUT NEVER FINDING ONE….I feel like the biggest piece of trash to ever walk the face of the earth.  I feel like everyone hates me and I feel like I hate everyone. I feel homicidal and I feel suicidal.  I fucking hate you and I fucking hate me, too.  So fuck everyone reading this cause I don’t give a fuck.

Sonnet 45

Nope, I am not leaving my bed today

Not even leaving to go take a piss

I’m out of fucking vodka anyway

today that’s one friend I know I will miss

Isolation draws me into embrace

Caressing my soul and numbing my mind

giving me courage for things I must face

No better a friend will ever I find

My liquid best pal who kills me so slow

poisoning organs I can’t even see

lubricating life as on goes the show

helping me stay in this body called me

Oh liver of mine! Don’t be so hard please?

Life is already, I’m down on my knees.