About four times a year
I drink too much beer
which really is vodka
but my kids, are dear
and always call it beer
and I don’t correct them
because beer sounds less queer
Now on each of those fours
there are no locks on the doors
of my mouth or my fingers
which both spew venom which definitely lingers…
The recipient is my dad.
after I do it, I really feel bad
and then I get mad
I get mad at myself when I sober up a bit
and realize what dreadful things I said
even though he deserves every bit of it.
even the parts where I wish his ass dead.
And then I get mad at myself for getting mad at myself
because I know he deserves every bit of it
and I’m kicking myself like I’m a piece of shit
which is what he always said I was.