Month: December 2015

Charlie

There’s a boy I don’t speak of but it’s not cause no love….no it’s not that at all…the thing is I can’t…any thoughts or words make me want to crawl in a hole and die …and so instead i just say bye to those thoughts that I don’t want to think the memories kill me my brain starts to stink and I want to go run out into traffic, die a death so violent and gory and graphic….I miss you, my son, I hope that you know and I’m so fucking sorry I can’t watch you grow…writing this now is fucking me up the tears that are falling could fill up a cup that’s as big as Lake Ponchatrain, I’m so sorry, my son, that your mom has a brain that only knows how to run away when it’s under the gun and I hope that your childhood is filled with much fun and I’m so sorry that your mother does not know how to tell you how much that you mean to me so you know that I value my first born son I love with all my heart…..I miss you and I love you and I wish we could go back to start….but we can’t…..I love you, Charlie.

….and I’d rather drown

You try to lie, I can see that you don’t need me
(That you don’t need me, that you don’t need me)
All of your words they’ve been cursed with dishonesty
(With dishonesty, with dishonesty)
Take it from the girl you claim to love you’re gonna get some bad karma
I’m the one who had to learn to build a heart made of armor
From the girl who made you soup and tied your shoes when you were hurting
You are not deserving, you are not deserving
I can see that you wanted me cold
You’re so bold while your watching me moan
You try to hide, I can see that you don’t see
(That you don’t see me, that you don’t see me)
What do you gain by the names that you’re calling me?
(That you’re calling me, that you’re calling me)
Take it from the girl you claim to love you’re gonna get some bad karma
I’m the one who had to learn to build a heart made of armor
From the girl who made you soup and tied your shoes when you were hurting
You are not deserving, you are not deserving
I can see that you wanted me cold
You’re so bold while you’re watching me moan
Holding out, like you could pull me down
‘Cause I’m drowning for you
(‘Cause I’m drowning for you)
‘Cause I’m drowning for you
Can you follow me out to the water? I can show you were sinking deeper
Let me know, ’cause I’m drowning for you
Can you follow me out to the water? I can show you were sinking deeper
Let me know, ’cause I’m drowning for you
Can you follow me out to the water? I can show you were sinking deeper
Let me know, ’cause I’m drowning for you
Can you follow me out to the water? I can show you were sinking deeper
Let me know, ’cause I’m drowning for you

Done

Everyone knows I’m right about one thing
You and I don’t work out
You bring out the mean in me
I bring out your insecurities
You know what I am talking bout
Eventually you’ll be fine if we break up
And one day I’ll be fine too
But we should just end it now
Before someone gets more hurt than they have to

[Chorus:]
As for our house, I’ll move out
You (can’t) keep the dog we trained
Things soon will be like before I ever met you
Before I ever met you

Before I ever met you
I never knew that my heart could love so hard
Before I ever met you
I never knew I would be enemies with disregard
Before I ever met you
I never knew that I liked to be kissed for days
Before I ever met you
I never knew I could be broken in so many ways
I never knew I could be broken in so many ways
I never knew I could be broken in so many

[Verse 2:]
Everyone knows I’m right about one thing
You are my only vice
And I got you addicted to trying to be bulletproof
But you have too much to lose

[Chorus]

Everyone knows I’m right about one thing
You and I don’t work out

Magic Carpet

There’s a magic carpet beneath my feet which never lets me feel complete as soon as I’m stable and willing and able I find out my life was all a fable…a bedtime story made of lies fools me again in clever disguise and then that carpet starts to move with angry looks that disapprove of all that makes up who I am I can hear the doors begin to slam…one by one each mocking me,  laughing at my anxiety…I never know one day to next and never knowing makes me perplexed and then the carpet starts to shaking like my hands when I’m awaking, eyes are open but I want them shut, just DIE you butterflies in my gut….go away, leave me alone, be like everyone else that I’ve known.

Cranial Jar

Excuse me, ma’am, but what aisle is the alprozalam?  I think I’m really in a jam, this whole big thing with my fam, is gushing like a broken dam and my face is looking like a ham and I know that my son named Sam will tell me to stop crying.  That will hit me like a “wham” of pain and of that I’m really not a fan, I always bear more than I can and my brain may be like that guy named Stan, from that Eminem video….oh, man….I need a zan….abar….and a car that will get me far away from here from my cranial jar.