Charlie

There’s a boy I don’t speak of but it’s not cause no love….no it’s not that at all…the thing is I can’t…any thoughts or words make me want to crawl in a hole and die …and so instead i just say bye to those thoughts that I don’t want to think the memories kill me my brain starts to stink and I want to go run out into traffic, die a death so violent and gory and graphic….I miss you, my son, I hope that you know and I’m so fucking sorry I can’t watch you grow…writing this now is fucking me up the tears that are falling could fill up a cup that’s as big as Lake Ponchatrain, I’m so sorry, my son, that your mom has a brain that only knows how to run away when it’s under the gun and I hope that your childhood is filled with much fun and I’m so sorry that your mother does not know how to tell you how much that you mean to me so you know that I value my first born son I love with all my heart…..I miss you and I love you and I wish we could go back to start….but we can’t…..I love you, Charlie.

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