Wednesday, April 6, 2016-The last 15 years of my life

I did my usual waking up at 7:30 this morning to see the kids off to school.  This morning my youngest one said she couldn’t find her school pants in the dryer.  I told her to find another pair.  I didn’t tell her that I wasn’t getting up to go check the dryer.  I felt guilty for not getting up to do that, but it didn’t stop me from not doing it.  She found another pair easily.  She brought me the brush and said she’d like to wear her hair down today with one barrette on the side.

After I finished brushing her hair, she stayed near me in her room, which for all intents and purposes is my room, looking very sad.  I know she wanted me to get up and go to the kitchen with her, but I didn’t want to get out of bed.  The guilt hit me like a bag of bricks in the face, but I didn’t budge.

My middle child came and stood in the doorway with tears in her eyes.  She said her tummy and her head hurt.  I told her she had already missed too many days of school and she couldn’t stay home unless she had a fever.  More guilt, pressed tightly against my chest.

It was time for them to leave, I heard the door close.  My son didn’t tell me ‘good-bye’. Sadness…pressed tightly against my chest.

All I want to do these days is sleep.  Fortunately, I have been able to sleep my ass off, lately, without medication.

I went back to sleep.

I awoke at 10:30 a.m. and got out of my uncomfortable twin bed.  I started thinking that “yeah, I was gonna stay up and get started early”.  After I emptied my bladder, I walked out of the bathroom and I saw the king size bed.

That bed spoke to me, “COMMMEEE GGGEEETTT IIINNN MMMMEEEEE”.

OK.  You don’t have to ask me twice.

I laid in the king and was almost immediately transported back to Dreamland.

I love Dreamland.  I have recently found a good island in Dreamland.  This island is free from the mares.  Everyone on this island is happy and funny and weird.  Every now and then a mare tries to pop up, but the guards on this island are vigilant and get rid of the mares, quickly and effectively.

I sleep another hour and half, so cozy.  I awake to the back door opening and heavy shoes coming down the hall.  Oh shit.  I’m supposed to be up and at ’em, not asleep in the wrong bed.  I’m fucking Goldilocks, except I ate nobody’s porridge….but I probably drank their vodka.

I hurry up and sit straight up and get into a stretching position.  The footsteps are getting louder.  I decide to lay back down and close my eyes, like I didn’t hear him coming.

I’m a terrible liar.

“Oh my God, WHAT are you doing?  Still asleep?  And you switched beds?”

Thankfully, he was being jokey.

I got up and made some coffee and went on the porch and drank it while I played the bonus round on bowling.

 

 

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