So I write Pt.420161

I did have something that I wanted to write about, but I forgot when I had to reset my password because I forgot and logged on to Internet Explorer instead of Chrome.

Blah.

Maybe I’ll just sit here in the garage, with the door open, watching it rain and write whatever comes to my mind.

I just thought in the middle of that last sentence that I wanted to say: “whatever comes to my fucking mind” but then my mind said, “no, Athena, let’s not use so much abundant profanity”.

Ok, mind.

Before it started raining, the jealous girlfriend who moved in across the street a couple months ago that hates me for no other reason than being an ugly, jealous, insecure bitch, and hates me just as much as the last jealous girlfriend who was evicted from that same house three months ago….the same bitch who jumped me with 5 other bitches and consequently made ME the neighborhood little white ass legend….just came outside ranting and raving and cussing and fussing and saying direct things, indirectly, while I’m sitting in my metal folding chair pointed straight at her house but not bothering to look….I just hear the bullshit in my peripheral.

Today, that shit’s just not important enough to even put my phone in a safe place for fighting.

Oh yeah…no profanity…shit.

I don’t know how to divide up my time between work, my boyfriend, my kids and myself.

I don’t know how to completely quit drinking.

I don’t know how to trust.

I don’t know how anyone trusts anyone, let alone, trust enough people to be able to talk down to me about my FUDGING trust issues.

I got rid of all my social media today, except for this blog and my YouTube channel, which, honestly, aren’t that social, anyway.

I am sad about this.  I am angry about this.  I feel hurt over this.

So I write.

Talk to you later.

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5 comments

  1. I just sent my oldest daughter away until she is 18 yesterday, for her safety, but my heart hurts so much! I can’t decide if I want to scream or cry. All I know is I love her and I want the best for her in life. But damnit I wanted her home. Trusting God big big right now! I love you Sarah!

    1. I don’t know what to say except relate to you my own experience with my oldest daughter. She and I haven’t spoken (this time) since March 12. She is probably the most selfish person I know, personally. She is bossy and she honestly, yet, unfortunately, believes she knows more about life than anyone, including me. She is one of the coolest people I know, she’s gorgeous, funny as shit, and a blast to hang out with…until her dark side takes over. Once that happens, we immediately begin to fight verbally, one time it became physical (she broke my finger as I blocked her punch), and now, lately, her new thing is to hurry and call the cops on me. The things we fight about are basically one thing…and that is that (up until the last altercation) she was the only person I trusted and I needed to talk to someone about my own shit and she absolutely refuses to hear it and then I get my feelings hurt and then all those things I just said start to avalanche. Two of the times we fought, including the time she broke my finger, and last NYE when I wanted to cry about my break-up, she ended up doing a “cry for help” suicide and went to a psychiatric facility on a 72-hour hold. The first time she did that, I went to the family meeting, with her father, and both of them ganged up on me, but I remained calm. THANK JESUS. The second time she never even told me about until the next fight when she threw it in my face.

      I understand your pain.

      My plan is to trust in God that my daughter is just like me and she is a warrior and she will get through all this shit, BETTER THAN I DID.

      Lord knows, I was just exactly like her when I was her age…just as naive and just as selfish and just as big of an asshole…but I’m not anymore and I know one day she will gain her wisdom, like I did.

      I love you, Heather. I started praying again….I will pray for you and your baby.

      1. Thank you Sarah. It baffles me that as angry as my daughter is, she has never been violent. Watching your children suffer is way worse than suffering yourself. I will keep you and your baby in my prayers as well. I blogged about all of this today. I feel somewhat better. Writing is such a valuable tool. I love you big Sarah😘

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