I feel like a mean, unforgiving bitch, and I am really not.
Yes, I can be mean. I can be meaner than a cornered possum foaming with rabies protecting five babies and a plate of food.
Yes, I can.
Do I remain that way? No.
Can I forgive? Yes.
I am very good at forgiving and forgetting. In fact, I believe, without any doubt, that the old adage, “I can forgive, but I won’t forget”, is fucking bullshit.
How can you forgive if you can’t forget?
The two are inexorably intertwined. You HAVE to forget if you want to forgive. That’s just basic logic.
But…I get that I am different…whatever.
Here is my problem, though, my boyfriend has been cornered and admitted that he is a liar.
If he would have admitted to ANYTHING ELSE except, basically, just, “being a liar”, I could forgive and forget.
How does one accept the apology of someone who is apologizing for being a liar?
Does that apology mean that he, all-of-a-sudden, isn’t a liar, anymore?
Is he lying about his apology?
Is he lying that he is a liar?
What other lies are hiding in the bushes?
Where does it start and where does it end, when dealing with a self-confessed liar?
It is not that I do not love him, because I love him very much. However, I have a really hard time dealing with lies, because lies deal with trust and trust is at the core of my ISSUES…the same issues about which he always shames me.
I forgive him. I get it. I do….I guess….but it’s real hard for me to forget that, according to him, he lies.