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down for so long

“But I’ve been down for so long and I’ve been I’ve been keeping it too real, so Ima say what I want and I don’t care how you feel” -Jprice and ILOVEMAKKONEN

So here is the deal here’s what I’m trying to say and these words may come out a little miscommunicated because everyone who reads just ain’t gonna understand I hardly get it myself but I think it’s part of the plan…

Life is a mystery in this game Called “man” it’s as deep and mysterious as there are grains of sand…and the irony is that the sand falls so fast from the top to the bottom and it’s going so quick you don’t know where to stand and I’ve been in that sand for all of my life and I really get tired of whining about the strife so I did…prolly about ten years ago, so I just stay to myself and rarely leave my door…it’s a struggle to go out and get myself some food and to be really honest hungry never is my mood…my mood usually consists of two different ways, I’m either sleeping like Van Winkle or I’m up for several days.

I feel so much better when I’m up for several days but people make me guilty and say that my ways are not the way to be because staying up so long they say is something that is cray. In my defense I say crazy is a word that has become so fucking relative I could use it as a turd and throw in the face of every hypocrite who lies, steals, abuses and all that nasty shit….all I fucking do is stay the fuck awake and try to make sense of the things they try to take, and people that they took and they need to take a look and stay up for days until their head is shook.

(and now I need a hook, and now I need a hook)

Just dead

I’m on my last cigarette and I’m trying not to fret about all of the regret that it seems that I have met.  I need to go to sleep but now I’m way too deep and I feel I need to leap right off the deep end.   I’ve done it once before a year more than two score but my mother was there,  she pulled me by my hair up out the water….and maybe if she missed it then my life would not be so twisted and it wouldn’t have me fisted cause I would be just dead. 

Injustice 

I’m shaking like a leaf but I got this

My sight is 20/20 , so  I can’t miss 

Why am I so scared about fists 

That belong to another just fighting lists

Long ones I’ve been making since

I got pissed right after Christmas

And said fuck this,  I can’t take it anymore. 

And I shut the door,  but left it cracked

And that set me back 

Cause they used it for an attack

Take advantage of my lack 

And I don’t known why and

I’ve asked the sky so many times

Just tell me anything even if a lie

Cause answers are what I seek

But given that I’m meek

It took nothing but  a tweek

To make me the geek

And still I do not leak

And still I do not speak 

The things about the freak

I felt so long ago

And now my heart of woe

Is busting at its seems

I’m surrounded by fiends

Who find their means by injustice 

Head Case

it’s been a month since you beat me the fuck up
and I really do miss you
I wish I could put my tears in a cup
and splash that acid all over your face
no beauty left not even a trace
and then I’d erase all of the space that
you now consume in my fucking head case…

the thing is that you know how to fuck
and you do it so well
You are my same age and I can’t even tell
you aren’t a day past a day I wish I could dwell.

You body is lean and your muscles are thick
and don’t even mention the size of your dick
it’s long and its fat and it loves my sweet cat
and I love all of that upon which I once sat.

Writing these words is making me wet
and it’s making me wish that we never met
you think a thought and the words spill from me
and I think a thought and so agilely, you say what it is
with no fragility

You talk like a yank, and I shall be frank
that looking at you is like filling my tank
full of something that might feel something like crank
the day that you boarded me I know my ship sank

the way you go out and the way you come in
and the way you can do it all over again
I can’t even lie, it makes my head spin
and I can’t even lie it makes my mouth grin

I want you inside me right here and right now
and to say that out loud, I don’t know how
I can form my lips the same ones you kissed
the same way you licked me beneath my slim hips

I doubt that I’ll ever see you again
and I don’t care who reads this to their own chagrin
You make me ache for your thick steak I want you medium rare
that my vaginified oven will happily bake.

In between our legs

how did I get stuck with this man that I hate
and boy I”m glad I can’t procreate
cause the last two would have given me 4
and I’m already bout to run out this door
cause I’ve had enough
I’ve had enough
and not just all of the lying stuff
I’m tired of the love and I’m tired of the kisses
but I hope that he’s not I hope that he misses
all of me, not just the part of me
that’s in between our legs

 Neither did he

For my kids, these lines make my stomach sick
I try my best to not think about this great big pile of shit
that I’ve laid you in, dressed you in and made you eat all day
I honestly never thought these dads of yours would ever be this way

to me it seems a good dad would not try to impede
with his selfish feelings consuming him with only nasty greed
but greed is what I got from everyone I thought
who would never take you from the one who you were begot

I don’t know how to tell you how sorry that I am
If I could go back again, way before there was Sam
I can’t even say what I’d do because I knew no sham
everything seemed copacetic thanksgiving turkey and ham

somewhere along the way…everyone forgot the day
I brought each of you into this world, six pounds of tiny clay
I never knew at the time that you’d be taken away
and molded into something that no longer had I say

At least I got to raise you all until the age of three
And I know that at least 3 of you do remember me
you remember how we lived all together very happily
Without a dad around and you made nothe one sound
you did not care he wasn’t there and neither did he.